


Beelzebub Creates Dinosaurs

by HolyCatsAndRabbits



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Jurassic Park Original Trilogy (Movies), Jurassic World Trilogy (Movies)
Genre: Beelzebub knows how to love, Character Study, Dracula Reference, Fluff, Gen, Isla Nublar (Jurassic Park), Isla Sorna (Jurassic Park), San Diego, Sweetness, bigger louder more teeth, demonic existential crisis, mention of pre-Fall Beelzebub, no Brachiosauruses were harmed by volcanoes in the making of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21961339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyCatsAndRabbits/pseuds/HolyCatsAndRabbits
Summary: Heaven had been a long time ago. But Bee had been an angel once, an archangel, had stirred the cosmos with their hand. Even then Bee had been one for a joke.Wouldn’t it be a laugh if the humans thought the Earth was millions of years old?What if you could go farther than that: convince them it had once been walked by monsters?The race of Man (and Woman) had picked up on the clues Bee had left in bone turned to stone, and then eventually they’d followed the gleam of amber to its treasure of DNA. What had surprised Bee was that they’d loved the monsters they’d found just as much as Bee did. Loved them enough to do what Bee hadn’t been able to do: to give them life.
Comments: 57
Kudos: 77
Collections: Good Omens Holiday Swap 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CadersSparklet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadersSparklet/gifts).



> So this is what happens when the prompt asks for Beelzebub, but when you look up your recipient you discover that they’re as much of a Jurassic Park superfan as you are! So here’s me writing something other than romance for once.
> 
> CadersSparklet, thanks for accepting a pinch-hit of writing instead of art, and I hope this isn’t too silly for you—I had fun with it and I hope you like it!
> 
> Title is from the famous “God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs...” quote; more on that in the fic. 
> 
> Chapter dates correspond to the movies. I know the movies by heart and love the two original books, but I’m not familiar with other media, so we’re sticking to the movies here (plus the internet’s opinion on wtf happened to the dinosaurs on Site B because there was no volcano there, and while we’re at it, wtf happened to the dudes on the boat in the beginning of JP3. At the time I was so hoping it was a plesiosaur or something, but at least I got my mosasaur in JW).

**1993**

**Isla Nublar, Costa Rica**

It was hot on Isla Nublar. Not as hot as Hell, of course, but comfortable. And it was nicer than Hell because there were no crowds. The park _—_ _Jurassic Park,_ they called it—wasn’t open yet, so only a few humans were there: an older man, a lawyer, a few scientists, a couple of kids.

Bee had tagged along on the very first tour. The humans couldn’t see the demon in the jeep with them, but Bee had wanted to know what was being said. Wanted to know the reactions of the first few guests to see the park. As was typical of humans, the sight of previously unknown wonders spurred them to try to define their place in the order of things.

Dr. Ian Malcom had started it: _“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs."_

And Dr. Ellie Sattler (good for her): _“Dinosaurs eat Man. Woman inherits the earth.”_

In reality, it had gone a little differently than that.

Heaven had been a long time ago. But Bee had been an angel once, an archangel, had stirred the cosmos with their hand. Even then Bee had been one for a joke. _Wouldn’t it be a laugh if the humans thought the Earth was millions of years old? What if you could go farther than that: convince them it had once been walked by monsters?_

They were strangely clever, humans. Back then Bee had wanted to make jokes at their expense, to remain above them.

Bee was below them now, of course, quite literally, in Hell. But they’d gained some respect for the humans over the years. The race of Man (and Woman) had picked up on the clues Bee had left in bone turned to stone, and then eventually they’d followed the gleam of amber to its treasure of DNA. What had surprised Bee was that they’d loved the monsters they’d found just as much as Bee did. Loved them enough to do what Bee hadn’t been able to do: to give them life.

The dinosaurs weren’t exactly as Bee had designed them, of course. Some were the wrong size. The humans had totally missed the bit about the feathers, so far. But such imagination they had. Perhaps Bee shouldn’t have been surprised that humans would want to play God. But of course, humans were always a two-sided coin. While they could create, at the same time they were forever flirting with their own destruction. So many _teeth_ and _claws_.

This was how it had really gone:

_God creates angels._

_God creates Man._

_Bee creates dinosaurs (already destroyed)._

_God destroys Bee._

Maybe that part had been mutual. Or perhaps Bee themself had a penchant for flirting with their own destruction. In any case, an archangel ceased to exist and a demon named Beelzebub took their place.

_Man creates dinosaurs._

Dr. Henry Wu was quite good at attempting to stir the cosmos himself. Not as good as Bee. There were certain decisions of Dr. Wu that Bee took issue with. _Lysine contingency, single-sex dinosaurs._ Wu was limiting himself, limiting creation. God had never been so afraid, had She? Maybe She should have been. But Bee wasn’t.

The _lysine contingency_ was meant to keep the dinosaurs from living independently from their creators. They had been made unable to manufacture the amino acid lysine themselves, so they had to be provided with it by the humans. If the humans did not do so, all the dinosaurs would die out within weeks. Bee did not hold with that kind of idea, never had. Bee lived quite independently from _their_ creator, thank you very much. A little demonic intervention provided plenty of lysine-rich foods on the island.

And then creating all the dinosaurs to be female. That was meant to keep the beautiful creatures from making this world their own, spreading their kind across the island exactly as they pleased. It was easy work for a demon to do a little meddling with biological sex. Why not let the dinosaurs manifest whatever _effort_ they wanted?

Of course, the _Dinosaurs eat Man_ part did eventually happen as well. The humans were surprised. Bee was not.

“Human error” was a catchphrase in Hell. Some demons felt it was a error that humans existed at all. Some were jealous that human error was largely forgivable (which was not the case for angels, as the Fallen had learned). But _human error_ wasn’t completely forgivable, of course. It could easily lead to the humans’ own destruction.

When humans had time and purpose—generations of trials in creating monsters, building on earlier mistakes—they could muddle through. They were less qualified to face danger that was unexpected, when they were unpracticed. They were even worse at the crux of what _human error_ really was: unremarkable mistakes that went unnoticed until it was too late.

The humans had reasoned that if they could produce life from stone, they would be right to trust in their other creations: computers, weapons, fencing. They had been mistaken. When the time came, in the middle of a hurricane, with the dinosaurs unfenced, unhindered, uninhibited, attacking their creators, Bee loved them more than ever.

But it wouldn’t do to let the dinosaurs destroy their own future, of course. Bee ensured that Dr. Wu was kept safe.

As for _Woman inherits the_ _E_ _arth_ , that remained to be seen. Bee figured it wouldn’t hurt. As long as the women made just as many errors as the men.


	2. Chapter 2

**1997**

**San Diego, California**

It had been a while since Bee had been to sea. But they wouldn’t have missed this trip for the world.

The humans had vacated Isla Nublar and its sister site, Isla Sorna (called _Site B)_ four years earlier. Bee had not. The demon had been visiting their creations regularly.

It had been a little strange at first, the emotion that would overtake Bee as they walked through the grass and over the beaches. Eventually, they realized that what they were feeling was _benevolence._ It was a deeper thing than mere love. It contained the sting of worry about the future, a rather heavy-handed sense of caring, and the realization that one was needed.

Bee took to it easily. The demon was there at some of the births, tiny dinosaurs facing the world claw-first. They were there at some of the deaths, beasts so large that their footsteps shook the earth reduced to a tiny movement of lungs that then stilled forever. They were there for the fights, the hunts, the mating, the growing, the living.

Which is why Bee noticed immediately when the humans came back. The humans landed on Isla Sorna this time, and they didn’t leave empty-handed. Oh, how humans loved to take wild things and confine them in parks, ships, and the new destination—a zoo. The dinosaurs were to be money-making attractions after all, this time in America.

Bee had climbed onto the ship along with the male T-Rex who’d been captured. The humans had also taken his infant, who’d already been flown to San Diego. The adult Rex was drugged and locked into the cargo hold of the ship. He wasn’t the largest dinosaur on the islands by far—the plant eaters had him beat. He wasn’t even Bee’s favorite. But the Rex was the fiercest. The largest claws, the strongest jaws.

Sometimes _human error_ needed a push. As the ship rocked in the sea, Bee gave it one, whisper-soft, a brush of a demonic hand over the wrinkled, dry skin of their creation, a breath of awareness to a sleeping mind, a face on which to focus a narrowing eye.

Bee pressed a kiss to the slackened jaw. “Good morning, my darling. If you’d like to come upstairs, I believe breakfast is being served.”

The ship met its end in the port of San Diego, piloting itself (with a little demonic intervention) to its destination, but not having any humans left on board to hit the brakes. A couple of piers were destroyed before the ship met enough of the mainland to stop itself. As the humans boarded the ship and saw the destruction, Bee almost laughed. _Eat your heart out, Bram Stoker 1._

And then, someone had been stupid enough (or tempted strongly enough) to hit the button to re-open the cargo hold.

It was far more fun than Bee had experienced in a very long time to see the Rex rampage through San Diego, among the humans’ buildings, cars, landscaping, swimming pools where they captured water and kept it for their own use. It was human invention and human failure intermingling, and Bee did laugh to see the humans scream and drive their cars backwards in panic, crashing into each other.

The Rex loved it too, Bee could tell. He was a little thrown to be in a new place, but he’d taken to it bravely, scaly feet finding purchase on pavement instead of grass, hearing the echo of his roaring bouncing between skyscrapers. Bee had stretched their own wings out, following the Rex on his tour, soaring through the skies in a way that they very seldomly allowed themself. Looking down on what they had wrought: their own creation terrorizing those of God.

It was an instinct as old as time for the father to seek out his child. To Bee’s surprise, there were a few humans who sympathized, who worked to reunite parent and infant and stow them together on the ship, taking them safely back to the island.

Bee went along for the return journey as well. They would always welcome _their_ creations back home.

1Bram Stoker is the author of [Dracula](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dracula). Dracula's ship, [the Demeter](https://headhuntershorrorhouse.fandom.com/wiki/Demeter), runs aground at Whitby because all the humans on board have been killed by a mysterious force. 


	3. Chapter 3

**2001**

**Isla Sorna, Costa Rica (Site B)**

At this point, Bee was getting a little tired of the humans’ penchant for disaster, honestly. How on earth was someone stupid enough to visit an island full of dinosaurs _by accident?_ A few humans on a boat trailing a couple more people under a parachute had come far too close. Close enough to enter the airspace around Isla Sorna.

Contrary to popular belief, the huge, winged Pteranodons were not technically dinosaurs, as no dinosaurs flew or swam. Bee had created their fossils to seem contemporary with the dinosaurs, though, and so the humans had dutifully, gleefully brought them to life. There were some Pteranodons who lived in an abandoned aviary on Isla Sorna, and some who roamed the island freely.

Bee had assumed that one dinosaur or another would make short work of the two humans in the parachute who landed on the island, just as the Pteranodons had done with the humans piloting the boat. But somehow, the young human survived the landing and managed to keep himself alive on the island for weeks. And perhaps Bee couldn’t really fault the human parents who came looking for their son. After all, hadn’t the Rex done the same in San Diego? Still, Bee took some pleasure in noting that most of the humans didn’t make it off the island alive.

But, of course, there had been the incident with the Spinosaurus.

Bee was especially fond of him. He’d been a later addition to the island, the result of a new cloning experiment, and he was the only one of his kind (at least, at first: Bee hadn’t let him be lonely for too long).

But oh, the Spinosaurus was glorious, a mouth made for teeth, arms made to be used, unlike the poor Rex. (Bee had given the T-Rex those tiny arms as a joke, thinking that they would make for funny “reconstructions” if the humans ever dug them up. To be fair, Bee hadn’t expected that the Rex would ever actually be brought to _life_.) The Spinosaurus was a masterpiece, though. He could even _swim,_ and how beautiful he looked doing so, the huge fin on his back cutting through the water, his tail propelling him through the rivers as easily as his muscular legs did on land.

Bee loved the Spinosaurus. The humans marooned on Isla Sorna tried to blow him up. The dinosaur had attacked their boat and the humans had fought back rather desperately, in their own ridiculous way, casting about for objects created by their own ingenuity to save them from problems of their own making. In the end, it had been gasoline and a flare gun that saved the humans. Bee saved the Spinosaurus, spiriting him away to the quiet of another river on the island, hand feeding him a few fish to make up for his lost dinner, soothing with a few soft touches and quiet words his confusion at his home having been invaded.

That hadn’t even been the worst of it.

The humans had used a satellite phone to call for help. Dr. Grant had called Dr. Sattler, she of the _Woman inherits the Earth_ quip. Bee was less pleased with her now, as they watched the results of that phone call: hundreds of humans storming the beach of Isla Sorna, all of them armed.

They’d left without a single shot fired, Bee had seen to that. The stranded humans had quickly found themselves on the beach, ready to be saved. Bee watched them all leave, but they knew they’d be back. Humans were greedy things. There was not a piece of God’s creation that they didn’t want to own. And they thought they had even more right to the dinosaurs, as the marvelous creatures were their _own_ inventions.

Bee stood on the beach with a few Compsognathus and as night fell, they looked up into the sky, the dinosaurs wondering, and Bee searching.


	4. Chapter 4

**2015**

**Isla Nublar, Costa Rica (Site A)**

Over the years, Bee had developed a complicated relationship with the human scientists. Humans posed the only real threat to Bee’s dinosaurs, but the demon couldn’t hate them entirely, as they also were responsible for giving them life.

Bee had kept tabs on Dr. Wu ever since 1993. At first, the scientist had occupied himself making new creatures from Bee’s recipes: the Spinosaurus being Bee’s obvious favorite. But eventually, the spark inside Dr. Wu had grown brighter, flamed higher, and Bee had been right there with him. They’d also felt that it was time to write some new recipes.

Bigger. Louder. More teeth.

But of course, as with all deals with the devil, both Wu and Bee paid a price for their partnership, whether Wu had been aware of it or not. Wu would never have gotten the funding for his new creations unless humans wanted to finally open the Park and over-run the island with human guests. But Bee would never have helped Wu unless Bee was certain that the Park wouldn’t be open long.

The Indominus Rex was the first park-ready experiment that Bee and Wu brought to life together. She was, truly, everything a demon could want in a monster, and Bee loved her immediately: her pale color, her massive size, teeth, claws, intellect, the ability to camouflage herself like a chameleon.

But as Bee watched the Indominus in action, for the first time they wondered if they hadn’t made a mistake. Gone too fast, reached too high, too soon. Because it seemed that maybe Bee had done with the Indominus what God had done in making humans: allowed a brilliant, dangerous new creation to introduce immorality to the world where there had only ever been amorality.

Dinosaurs were animals. They killed and ate each other as they were made to, a mother carnivore killing an herbivore to feed her own babies, herbivores defending their offspring with spikes and poisons. Life given for life. It was amoral: morality didn’t enter the situation. There were no villains and victims, no tragedies, only the pursuit of life.

When God had created humans, She’d introduced morality, and humans ran the spectrum. Some were selfless, altruistic, empathetic, aware of their own imperfections and accepting them in other people but never in the world itself.

Some were immoral. And so was the Indominus Rex. Bee could condone the Indominus killing humans, especially when those humans were armed. They could not accept her killing Bee’s other dinosaurs for sport, and not for food.

What did one do with an errant creation? How did a creator accept that they had made a mistake? How did they move forward from there? Bee was sure God had wrestled with these questions Herself. After all, Bee had received quite a severe punishment after God had decided Bee was a mistake.

Bee wasn’t sure they could carry out the same thing with the Indominus, to punish or even destroy her. But Bee’s indecision had turned out to be a decision, because suddenly it was too late: the Mosasaur put an end to the Indominus, with the help of a T-Rex and a band of Raptors.

Bee mourned her. They were angered for her, angered with themself and the humans. And it got worse: now humans were planning to use raptors as canon fodder, harnessed for their teeth, made slaves of war.

Was this where the Flood had come from, Bee wondered, this feeling of wanting to start over? This anger so sharp that it made Bee want to wash the world clean of everything, to hide the evidence of their own mistakes? To keep the humans from making new ones?

But Bee was different.

There would be no flood.

God had made mistakes and then had made more mistakes in trying to correct Her first ones.

Bee was different.


	5. Chapter 5

**2018**

**Location redacted**

The Apocalypse was on its way. Less than a year remained now. Bee was ready for it. They weren’t sure who would win, Heaven or Hell, but it was clear that God’s creations on Earth would suffer for it no matter what. If God cared what would happen to Her humans, Bee was not privy to that feeling.

In 2001, Bee had started to look for a solution for _their_ creations. Perhaps God had forgotten the sensation, but Bee still felt it in their heart: benevolence.

But Bee had let themself be distracted from that goal over the years, working with Wu to make new recipes. That was at an end now. Wu was on his own as he rather blatantly sought to control what would most certainly be his own destruction: still making new hybrids, the Indoraptor primary among them. Bee didn’t care anymore. Wu had gone too far from Bee’s recipes to even call them Bee’s at this point.

And Bee had more pressing problems. The apocalypse was due early on Isla Nublar _,_ in the form of a volcano. Bee was ready for that, too.

Bee’s plan had started on Isla Sorna, though. The humans thought that the dropping population of dinosaurs on Site B was due to newly made species of dinosaurs being introduced haphazardly by underfunded, undersupervised scientists, wreaking havoc with the established ecosystem. They didn’t watch closely enough to wonder where the bodies went.

But when it came time for Isla Nublar’s volcanic destruction, a few humans threw a wrench into Bee’s planning.

It did, in a way, warm Bee’s heart to see that some humans were still moral. They ached for these dinosaurs nearly as much as Bee did, and they attempted to rescue some of them from the volcano. Bee hadn’t been counting on that. Nor had they expected to see the humans cry for the lone Brachiosaurus silhouetted by the flames, just moments too late to make the last ship to safety.

Bee had known, though, that as soon as the ships of rescued dinosaurs made the mainland, that their creations were going to escape. _Human error_ was ever-present, after all. Bee had intended to catch the dinosaurs again, to round them up and care for them. But then Bee had seen the look in their creations’ eyes as they began to roam the wide Earth, and they wondered: was that what Bee had looked like all those millennia ago? Staring up at God and asking for something forbidden: freedom?

Bee could deny their creations nothing. They opened their hands and let them go. When the world ended, Bee would find their way back, somehow. They would rescue the last of them if it was the last thing they were capable of doing. But for now—they loved them too much.

And in that moment, Bee wondered if maybe, just maybe, God had felt that way Herself, watching Bee and the other Fallen make their way down from Heaven, watching the humans leave Eden. Had She wanted to call them back to safety but instead had let them go?

But maybe God had now seen the newest work of humans hands and felt the hunger for the Flood race through Her veins again. Maybe this was why the End was coming, after all: Her creations had taken a step they never had before: creating _themselves._ Human cloning. Perhaps God Herself felt threatened.

Bee would find the answers, they knew, at the end of days. If God prevented the Apocalypse, or even just saved a chosen few from the conflagration, like the humans had with their ship fleeing the volcano, Bee would know that She was still benevolent. Still, Bee had no illusions that there would ever again be a united Heaven, a peaceful garden of humans. God was not so merciful.

Bee was.

There were loads of planets in the cosmos. Bee had once known them all. They remembered a few. They knew that no one would ever think to come looking for what Bee had made there.

Bee had spent years making it perfect. Conditions as close to Earth as they could make them, solar radiation, water, air. Vegetation—Bee had been very careful with that. Nothing poisonous, plenty of lysine. A landscape with enough natural protection and food that the herbivores could flourish, so that the carnivores could merely cull their herds of the old and sick and never run out of food. Nesting sites, good weather. No fences or weapons. No volcanoes. Certainly no humans.

Bee might not survive the Apocalypse. And if they absented themself from the fight, someone would come looking for them, and they might find this place. As much as Bee loved it here, it was possible that it would take the absence of their creator to keep these creatures safe. But as Bee watched the Brachiosaurus that they’d saved from the volcano wander its new home, as they ran a gentle hand down the fin of a baby Spinosaurus as it lazed in the sun, they knew it was worth it.

No one was ever going to evict these creatures from their Garden.

**Author's Note:**

> I had two main goals in writing this fic: (1) create a nice fic, and (2) rescue the Brachiosaurus from the volcano.
> 
> This was so, so much fun for me. I fell in love with Jurassic Park in 1993 when I saw the movie in the theater with my family at the age of 16. My mom is an evolutionary biologist, and honestly, we went just to see dinosaurs really exist for the first time. She cried. I was terrified. It was a good time! And now every year on my birthday, we screen all 5 movies in a row and have pizza. I can’t wait for JW3!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are so appreciated! All the rest of my works are for Good Omens, please feel free to check them out!
> 
> Find me on tumblr [HolyCatsAndRabbits](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/holycatsandrabbits)  
> Twitter [@DannyeChase](https://twitter.com/DannyeChase)  
> Facebook [Dannye Chase](https://facebook.com/DannyeChase)  
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